I Am J by Cris Beam [2011]

Growing up, J (born as Jennifer) always thought of himself as a boy stuck in the body of a girl. In elementary school J shunned his mom’s attempts to stick him in dresses and preferred the rough-and-tumble play of boys on the playground. Now, as a teenager, J’s Puerto Rican mother and Jewish father want him to think about his future and one day start a family, a possibility that makes J feel misunderstood and anxious about what lies ahead. So after an argument with his best friend, J strikes out on his own. He starts classes at a school for transgender and gay teens, but the complications resulting from who he is and who he wants to be prevent J from truly connecting with anyone. Fed up hiding inside layers of oversized t-shirts, J decides to explore testosterone treatments and embarks on a path that will test his patience, maturity, and commitment. Author Cris Beam’s extraordinary understanding of this often overlooked population shows in J--a complex, conflicted character whose emotional journey will resonate beyond the final page. Equally impressive is Beam’s vivid dialog, which illuminates relationships and situations that any teen who has felt isolated will easily relate to. Thoughtfully researched and written, I Am J is ultimately an inspiring novel about deciding to lead the life one is meant to--no matter at what cost.

Author: Cris Beam
Genre: Young Adult
Publisher: Little, Brown Books for Young Readers
Media type: Hardcover, Kindle
Pages: 352 pp
ISBN-13: 978-0316053617
Publication date: 1 March 2011

Reader Review

I Am J is a moving look at a teenager's gender transition and coming of age. J has known he was meant to be a boy since he was little, but hasn't had a way to truly articulate that or figure out how to make it an actuality until the time this book takes place, when he's 17. He wants to share the news with his best friend, Melissa, but being a little bit in love with her, or at the very least, having a major crush, he has trouble expressing exactly what it is he's feeling. He is also just discovering the ways he can actually turn himself not just into a boy, but into a man, and he hits a lot of stumbling blocks along the way.

His family is one of the biggest stumbling blocks, and trying to stay close to them when they don't understand what he's going through is a theme that crops up throughout the book, something he continues to navigate. J starts to create a new "family" when he starts at a new school and starts to meet fellow transgender people. He meets Blue, one of the most fascinating characters in the book (and not just because she has blue hair and paints exclusively in shades of blue), who becomes his girlfriend.

I didn't always like everything J did, but I thought he was a fascinating character, and as he matures, he figures out how to have empathy for those around him, like Melissa, and seek out the help he needs to be the man he wants to be. He realizes that his transition is extremely important to him, but that photography is also his passion, and that entirely abandoning his previous life wasn't necessary to lead him on the path he needed to be. Beam doesn't try to paint J as the "perfect" trans teenager (is there such a thing?) but as a human one who is figuring out who he is, who his role models are, and where he fits in at school, home and in the world.

- by Rachel Kramer Bussel "Cupcakes Take the Cake blogger, author, editor"

I was a little scared of this book. I knew that Beam had it in her to realistically portray the transgender experience, so my expectations were super high. I also knew that a book like this has the potential to be filled with well-meaning stereotypes in order to present the most inclusive picture: of trans folk, of Puerto Rican New Yorkers, of the dream of being a "real boy," and more. But my fears were unfounded; I loved this book. J really rang true to me as a character and as a transguy, and his experiences, though not universal (thankfully not everyone has to move out or change schools in order to transition, though some undoubtedly do), were realistic. I Am J was everything I hoped it would be.

But I did have a couple of problems. I found it hard to believe that J, who has been looking around on the internet for information and support since he was eleven, hadn't heard about T (testosterone injections) or a (chest) binder until he was seventeen. I'm willing to let that go as it allows the reader to learn about these things at the same time that J does. I don't think it would have been such a problem if the book wasn't so obviously written by someone who, like J's support group leader, "talk[s] about the 'gender binary' and 'those of trans-masculine identification' as easily as reciting the alphabet" (243).* Beam is a very very knowledgeable woman, as evidenced by her previous work of non-fiction, Transparent: Love, Family, and Living the T with Transgender Teenagers. She seemed to have a difficult time balancing her wealth of knowledge with the naiveté of her narrator.

This may look like more criticisms than praise, but it's really not! I loved I Am J, and I applaud Beam for taking on the issue of transitioning in the context of cultural and familial expectations, and the fallout from not meeting those expectations, in an accessible and authentic way. Not to mention that she wrote a pretty great story of a teen trying to find his direction and place in the world, regardless of all the issues that J has to deal with. I think this is a must buy for libraries serving youth; it's Luna for the guys.

Book source: ARC provided by the publisher.

*Quotes and page numbers are from an uncorrected proof and may not match the published copy.

- by Lawral Wornek

I received an Advanced Reader's Copy of I Am J by Cris Beam. I did not receive any compensation for my review.

This is a very intense and engaging read about a bi-racial teen's gender transition. Beam's story provides great insight to life a transgender teen. This is an issue that prior to reading this book I did not know much about. Fortunately, as well as writing an engaging story, Beam also takes the time to explain the issues.

However, I was puzzled about why J, who has known since a small child that he is a boy born with girl parts, waited until he was 18 to seek support. All in all I found this to be well written, with well developed characters. Though the main story deals with J's life as a transgender teen, it also covers all the usual challenges of just being a teen - including difficulty getting a long with parents. J's parents are not very likable. Not only do they not understand J, they seem incapable of giving him any support. Perhaps this lends to the authenticity of the story, as teens are often misunderstood by their parents.

This is a good read for not only teens but parents as well. Not only is it entertaining, but it provides some valuable insight as well.

- by Beverly L. Archer "Booklady123"

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